I write this first post for my new blog from a picnic blanket on a warm and still summer’s Thursday in July. We’ve ventured to the park with a picnic, my (almost) four week-old daughter smiled properly for the first time this morning and, thanks to Rishi Sunak’s furlough scheme, I have another ten days off to enjoy settling in to our new life as a family of three. If this all sounds impossibly idyllic, don’t worry, let me throw in a healthy dose of sleep deprivation and the faint scent of a full nappy to complete the scene.

My wife, Kerry, and I set out on the journey to becoming Mums at the beginning of 2019. We’ve known for a long time that we wanted a baby but had been waiting for the ‘right time’ (one last holiday, a bit more cash, a few more hungover lie-ins etc) but in the end we decided that the ‘right time’ is a mythical beast so just cracked on and booked our first appointment at the fertility clinic (much more about that later). We knew from friends and forums how difficult the IVF process can be (and during our fertility counselling session we were disturbingly told that we were about to be emotionally ‘stripped bare’..!) but we ended up being incredibly lucky. Kerry got pregnant after the second transfer and by Christmas 2019 we were waving the images of our very dodgy twelve-week scan under the noses of friends and family.

I’m not the biological mother. I was worried that fact might bother me more once our daughter was born but it genuinely makes zero difference to me; I fell in love with our daughter quickly and deeply and I’m excited to build that bond in the coming weeks and years. Whilst I love to spot the physical similarities between her and my wife (god bless their shared noses) I know that Kerry & I have so much more to share with our daughter besides our genes.

All that said, I’ve found it difficult to find examples of non-biological mothers like me which I can really relate to. I’m a bit of a ‘googler’; I google any and all questions which pop into my head – which can get awkward when friends use my phone! During the pregnancy and these first intense weeks, I’ve googled thousands of baby-related things and I’ve found some amazing resources but they rarely speak to my exact situation. I find I’m either on a straight mummy blogger page (“what colour should me newborn’s poop be?”) or in Men’s magazines / blog pages (“is it okay to sleep in the guest room when you finish parental leave?”) or on ‘out and proud’ rainbow-filled gay parenting sites (“how to bond with your baby as the non biological mum?”).

Truth be told, I think about being gay significantly less than I think about the colour of my hair (brown with a little more grey than I’d like, and the remnants of a seriously unfortunate balayage). Yes, we’re a gay / rainbow family but we’re also just another family. I’m lucky enough to live in a loving and accepting bubble of family, friends and colleagues which means that my being gay has never been something I’ve needed to ‘fight for’ – because of that I’ve never felt the need to make it a major part of my identity. I’m proud of who I am, but I would describe myself as many other things before my sexuality. I guess what I’m saying is that I hope this blog can appeal to any Mum (or Dad); whether you’re a member of the rainbow gang or not!

Expect IVF stories (and more on that counselling session!), things we’ve learnt, mistakes we’ve made and lots more about my journey on being and becoming a Mum.

Ex